I’m 40… and Here’s What I’ve Found Out

I turned 40 last May. Fun fact: same birthday as Sir David Attenborough. I’m not saying that means anything… but I’m also not not saying that. It’s been a weird year. I’m grateful of course, growing older is a privilege and I am fully aware and in constant gratitude for this, but it has also been a year of body changes, mind shifts and moments of hang on, who even am I now. 

I was listening to Jay Shetty’s podcast with medium John Edwards and he shared that his dad used to end every year by saying, “That’s been my best year,” even if it hadn’t. I loved that, I'm even thinking of adopting this myself, I mean What a beautiful attitude to have, as its rearely one I ever here, I usually hear people say, “Good riddance to 2025,” or “Roll on 2026, this year had better be better.” And I get it. Some years feel like they’ve personally victimised you, just like I felt that 2023 was a complete wash out with my mental health struggles and 2024 was heartbreakingly awful because my brother had bowel cancer. But I keep thinking about that idea of choosing to call it your best year anyway. Not because it was perfect, not because it didn’t stretch me, test me or leave me rolling around on the living room floor trying to manually reposition my digestive system, but because I survived it. 

Podcasts are my downtime treat, cuppa in hand, world paused. I recently watched Steven Bartlett’s two part female health roundtable with Dr Mary Claire Haver, Dr Vonda Wright, Dr Natalie Crawford and Dr Stacy Sims and it was fascinating. What struck me most was how complex women actually are. Periods, pregnancies, morning sickness, perimenopause, menopause, hormones fluctuating like they are auditioning for a drama series, and on top of that we are more prone to autoimmune conditions than men. When we say we are going through it, we really are.

Yet for generations women were expected to just get on with it. My mum once told me menopause was never really spoken about and my nan’s generation certainly didn’t discuss it at all. Why are the most universal female experiences treated like a shameful secret. This is life, this happens to us all in one way or another, so why whisper about it. 

I’ve also realised I don’t have much of a filter. Am I neurodiverse or just very open, who knows. I’ve been told a few times this year that I might be autistic, maybe ADHD, maybe a lovely little cocktail of both. In our house we call them Siantisms. For clarity I’m not someone who throws labels around and it does irritate me when social media casually says I’m a bit ADHD like it’s a personality trait. My son has a formal ADHD diagnosis and my daughter is on the waiting list for ASD assessment so it wouldn’t be shocking if I share some traits, but I also feel like I know who I am. I may never get assessed, not because it’s too late but because I’ve spent 40 years figuring myself out the long way round and that counts for something, even when its been bloody hard.

Now let’s talk about the glamorous side of turning 40. My sleep pattern has gone completely off script. My memory is annoyingly bad which may or may not be why I can’t confidently quote John Edwards’ dad properly, and my gut, well my gut has decided to stage a protest. Bloating, trapped gas, that heavy full feeling that makes you hate food like its purposely out to get you.

Two weeks ago I was on the living room floor performing yoga poses, massaging oil into my stomach and rolling around like I was auditioning for a really bad part in a  dance routine. I’ve avoided certain foods like they personally offended me. After water, plant based capsules and some detective work I stumbled across information linking gut health and perimenopause and it really felt good that I wasn't going (that) mad after all.

I went to the doctor around six weeks ago, had blood tests and was told my hormones were normal. Normal. But hormones fluctuate throughout our cycle so what does normal even mean, a snapshot, a polite shrug. I do believe we should trust our intuition and listen to our bodies and mine is definitely trying to tell me something. So I’m reading, researching and preparing for menopause like it’s a slightly unhinged house guest I’d like to keep calm and reasonably well behaved.

They say life begins at 40. For me it feels more like ' heres a bodily upheaval incoming darling' - brace yourself, but here’s the difference, I’m grateful. Grateful that I can type perimenopause into a search bar and get answers, order books, invest in supplements and hear specialists explain what is happening inside my own body. I feel for the generations before us who were dismissed or labelled dramatic for experiencing something completely natural.

The more I learn the more I realise women are absolute powerhouses. We navigate hormonal symphonies monthly, grow humans, birth them, parent them, show up and often become the rock even when we feel like jelly inside and blimey have I felt like jelly inside, I still do, recently I have spoken openly about feeling low again, my anxiety goes through the roof sometimes and being the open person I am, Im happy to talk about this but many women do it while pretending we are fine.

So here’s what I’ve found out at 40. Talk about it. Please please don't ever suffer in silence. Ask questions. Trust your body. Laugh at the chaos when you can and roll around the floor doing digestive yoga if necessary (safety always first please). 40 is not the end of youth, it is the beginning of understanding yourself properly, and maybe that makes it the best year yet... heres to hoping.

Links:

Does menopause cause gut issues?

Hormone & Fertility Experts: We've Been Lied To About Women's Health! If This Happens, Call A Doctor

#1 Medium John Edward: The TRUTH About Life After Death Everyone Needs to Hear!

Wild Dose - Bloating Supplement