Its OK to not be OK!

This morning, I cried. Cried so much my eyes sting, my head hurts, and we're a little lighter on toilet roll.

I've been pretty good lately—actually, quite "normal"—but I realised it was all just building up underneath. When will I learn? I know from past experience not to let my emotions and feelings build up, yet I suppose I've been putting on my positive pants and suppressing any stress I feel, rather than facing it.

I forget that I'm human and allowed to feel rubbish sometimes. Being a mum, wife, and business owner is a huge task. It may not sound like much on paper, but when I count the endless wash loads I do, the ironing that piles up so high the board stays up for days as I tackle small stacks at a time, just to give myself space to do other things—the mundanity of three meals a day for four people, the constant mum worries. Am I doing enough? Are they safe? (Our son is 18.) Could I do more? Am I the best wife I can be? It’s me being self-critical, but it’s honest. I get completely overwhelmed by my own thoughts sometimes.

Pockets of Bliss means so much to me personally. To the outside world, it’s just a business. To me, it saved me from myself and self-destruction. POB gave me a focus when times were really rough, and I adore my small business. However, the stress of doing everything yourself can be immense at times. Yes, I mostly enjoy it, but that doesn’t change the fact that it’s hard, especially in the growing phase. Orders are still few and far between; I work my butt off and go days without a single order. Imagine the comedown and sadness from checking your website analytics only to see no orders placed. It’s a feeling of hopelessness and despair, but you have to reset yourself quickly, put your positive pants back on, and carry on with the day. And I do!

But today, I melted. I crumbled under the sheer pressure I put on myself, my expectations lost in my tears, feeling that I’m not good enough, silently asking for some spiritual realm to sprinkle a little something my way. It’s not about feeling sorry for myself—I’m not that way inclined. But I am human. The last few years have been hard, from severe depression and anxiety that wiped out 2023 for me, to starting 2024 with my brother facing cancer, financial hardships, and my own health concerns. It’s been a tidal wave of trouble—a storm that just doesn’t seem to let up.

So why write this blog? Because it’s real, and it’s honest. Instagram won’t tell you the true story behind a picture. Just because someone looks like they’re having a great time doesn’t mean they are; they just want you to believe it. The brief encounter with someone on the street you haven’t seen in ages may be all smiles, but that person may be crumbling inside. I know, because I was that person with the smile, screaming inside with pain.

Last month, I had carpal tunnel surgery on my dominant hand, which meant a couple of weeks of not being able to do much. Trying to keep things running smoothly as a mum with only one usable hand—let me tell you, that’s hard work! I’m also due for my third colonoscopy in four months, not the standard kind, either. I have polyps syndrome—the same syndrome that gave my brother cancer—so they keep a close watch. I know I’ll be back in eight weeks for another round because I have so many polyps to piss off. It’s exhausting at times, and sometimes I honestly can’t think straight.

Pockets of Bliss is a small business with a mighty passion to be honest, transparent, and to advocate for mental health. We aim to talk openly and remind you that it’s okay not to be okay sometimes. Cry if you need to cry, scream if you want to scream, excuse yourself from family duties and take that warm bath, treat yourself to a facial, or have an early night. 

In the Western world, fast-paced living has become the norm, yet we weren’t built for most of the stress we put ourselves through: the endless screens we "have" to face every day, the pressure to look and act a certain way. It’s all, dare I say it, nonsense. We all need to slow down, take a moment to reset, and don’t wake up and reach for the phone—the addiction of the 21st century. Don’t have that extra drink just to keep up with the crowd when, truthfully, you were done after the first. Say no to the night out you really don’t want to go on (real friends will understand), take a solo trip to the cinema, read the book you’ve been putting off, take that long walk with no rush, eat the damn cake! 

It’s time to normalise being you.